ZThemes

mental wellness

We are here to spread mental health awareness and to promote self-love. This blog is all about learning to cope healthy to live a long and happy life. We are a wellness blog geared to helping you achieve the confidence you deserve.

We are always here to listen.
((About Promos))
Anonymous:
How can I let this go? I'm always constantly worrying about my friend and her social life? She says that she has no friends, so I try to help her. I'm always making her to social events, talk to more people, and arrange situations where she can meet new people. I can't help worrying about it and doing this for her. It's making me very stressed out because all I think about. I really want to let it go because I feel like I'm obsessed.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make the horse drink." You cannot save her. You cannot cure her or solve her problems. I know that’s really hard to hear considering you care so much, but it’s the hard truth. You are no god that can snap your fingers and make the world right for her. 

You’ve done all you can. Keep inviting her out, keep being her friend, but stop working yourself so hard over this. The only one who can help her is her. She’ll have to learn that on her own, in her own time. Once the horse is thirsty enough, it’ll dip it’s head and drink. Sometimes the horse gets reeeally dehydrated first, if you understand the metaphor.

You need to start worrying about yourself first. Start talking to other people, perhaps a counsellor if you feel like it. Pushing yourself so much to complete the impossible only adds unnecessary stress to yourself, which makes it harder for everyone. Start getting back to the things that make YOU happy. Decompress. Maybe cut out the amount of exchanges you have with this person until you are in a better place to handle it. 

- Tiffany

(Charissa’s reply will be added later if she feels she can add anything to the situation.)

posted Apr.16.14 + 2 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
This is the anon who was talking about cissexist posts. I definitely agree that a lot of cissexist posts aren't deliberately being cissexist; the original posters are probably just uneducated. Which I definitely understand, but it is still triggering to read that kind of stuff. Thanks for being so cool about starting to tag them! It means a lot. :)

Yeah no problem. I totally get triggers. Not fun. It’ll be tagged as “cissexism tw” :] Thanks for letting me know!

posted Apr.16.14 + 0 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
I love you guys and I love all of your posts, but it seems like this blog is moving away from mental health posts and more towards human rights posts. I like both and I understand that the issues in our societies lead to mental health issues sometimes and I also appreciate the fact that you are attempting to educate your followers but I just wish you would post more metal health stuff is all. xoxo

We still post both, I’ve just lowered the amount of blogs I follow. I’ll build up some more stuff in a bit for the queue.

posted Apr.16.14 + 0 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
There hasn't been much cissexist stuff lately, actually, but the menstruation one was definitely upsetting for me. I'd consider it cissexist; a lot of posts about menstruation tend to be.

I post those things because even though they are cissexist (and I don’t think they’re usually meaning to be, just perhaps forgetful or uneducated) they often make good points, so I’ll still reblog them. I’ll try to tag it from now on.

posted Apr.16.14 + 0 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
Your blog is great and has a lot of good resources, but I've noticed that you reblog a lot of posts with casual cissexism, and you don't tag it. I'm a trans person, and seeing cissexism (especially the casual kind) on my dash is really triggering and not at all good for my mental health. Could you please start tagging that and and trying to call out the cissexism in the posts you reblog?

I do? Can you tell me which type? Like the posts like menstruation one?

posted Apr.16.14 + 0 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
I feel as though for a 'love yourself, everyone is special' blog you have something against cis/straight people. The enemy is not cis/straight people, the enemy is prejudice and ignorance. I know bisexual people who flat out refuse to believe that pansexual is a thing and I know homosexuals who regularly make jokes about how gross they think transgendered people are. Just because someone is/isn't a sexual minority doesn't mean they are oppressive and it doesn't mean that they are accepting.

I actually do not have any problems at all against cissexual and straight people. I do know how it can be offensive to be categorized with all of the jerks of your majority - I am cis and white myself - but what you have to understand about jokes and complaints about ALL of the majorities is that it’s directed at the ignorant and rude ones of the majority. When people complain about a majority who have been oppressing and making them feel uncomfortable to be themselves, they’ll use general terms. It’s easier for them. The part of being an ally is to understand that when a minority is complaining about a majority, they don’t mean YOU, if you’re one of the people who try to understand.

There have been many times I’ve felt offended or hurt over being categorized myself. I am cis, but I am also queer, and so I’ve sometimes felt torn between understanding and feeling like I’m being attacked. That because I’m cis, for example, my personal experiences of being queer become null. It’s understandable to feel this way. You just have to understand it doesn’t MEAN the allies who understand that people can get so hurt they’ll be general in their pain. Because of my experiences, I have at one time said “all men are evil”. Is that true? Of course not! I just felt that way. I was going through something and I had been hurt badly by a cismale person. I generalized. 

Some of these posts may help you understand. I hope you see what we’re trying to point out.

1, 2, 3, 4 (abuse tw - the comments are what you should look at)

I was looking for this comic for a good hour but I can’t find it. I hope this suffices. It can hurt or be offensive, but you just have to try to understand why they do that. It’s just because of the oppression and all the horrible things a person has experienced that they say those things.

- Tiffany

posted Apr.08.14 + 2 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
There's this person that I never wanna see again due to some issues I wanted to avoid them at all costs. I hate the fact that this person always made me feel guilty and that my reasons for my feelings were always pushed aside. Bottom line is I feel like I'm always scared to go to a certain place that I'll run into them. There's this important event I'm contemplating to go to but there's a high chance that they may attend to, should I go?

If you feel you will be able to possibly be in their presence and handle it healthily, yes. If you do not think you can handle it, consider not going. Your health and safety is the most important thing in your life, and if this will jeopardize it, you shouldn’t go.

However, if you think you can go (even if you are triggered) and still get something out of the event, then definitely go. You shouldn’t put your life on hold just because this person exists. To help with this, look for ways to cope healthily if you do happen to run into them. Finding ways to end the conversation quickly may help. Also keep in mind you have no obligation to speak with them anyways. You could just ignore them entirely. If you are afraid you may be partnered up with them or something similar, you could probably talk to one of the event coordinators and they’ll separate the two of you. 

- Tiffany

posted Apr.07.14 + 3 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
what should i do if someone i know is currently contemplating suicide, but i don't live in the same state as them and they're not answering their phone?

Contact someone, anyone, you can find that can get to them. Family, friends. If you have their Facebook, this is useful for finding relatives. If not, it’s possible other tumblr friends of theirs will be able to contact them or someone they know. Failing that, I’d suggest a suicide hotline or 911, as I believe they can tell you what to do.

- Tiffany

posted Mar.23.14 + 0 notes + reblog

Hey!

To all followers old and new, thanks for the support. This is my friendly reminder that my ask is always open for anything. 

Originally this blog was run by three individuals, but one left tumblr without warning and another drifted off. Currently there is only little ol’ me. 

My name is Tiffany and I am a 20 year old Canadian. If you have any questions about me, you can ask that too.

Because there is only one mod now, however, I just want to remind people that if you send an ask and it is not responded to right away, it’s because of that. Please be patient with me, and if you have an emergency, please contact your local authorities or mental health workers.

You could also head over to Open Fire Advice or A Recovered Life. Both blogs have trained professionals behind them.

posted Mar.19.14 + 3 notes + reblog
Anonymous:
I have a lot of negative thoughts about dying alone or dying a virgin. I really want a boyfriend, but my social anxiety keeps me from meeting new people. It doesn't help that the school I go to is very small, so my pickings are slim. All my friends have an SO and are having sex and I feel so left out and lonely. How can I be more confident in myself so I CAN go out and meet people? And how can I be more content with who I am already?

I think your real issue is the way you’re looking at this. Why are you putting so much significance in sex or relationships? Why do you define yourself and others by whether or not they have sex or are single? What about these things make you think them so important?

You need to wipe away all this other stuff: “dying alone”, “dying a virgn”, “pickings are slim”. Focus on what’s really bothering you: “All my friends have an S.O. and are having sex and I feel so left out and lonely.” 

First, you need to change your mentality about sex and dating. They’re not important. At all. Love is important, yes, but there’s more than one type of love. Romantic love is usually more trouble than it’s not when one of the people in the relationship has no confidence or self-love. 

Virginity is a socially made construct. It’s sexist and stupid. “Losing” it just to get rid of a label that doesn’t even exist (you cannot “pop” your cherry) and not to actual have fun, consensual intercourse would hurt more than help. 

Having a relationship, like I said, is a lot more work than it should be when someone hates themselves, and even moreso when two or more hate themselves. There’s so much self-doubt, paranoia, trust issues… it puts a huge strain on said relationship. Don’t worry about any of this stuff.

You have it right. Work on your social anxiety and your self-confidence. You feel lonely and left out because you think having a relationship is a defining thing in someone’s life. It’s not. What defines a person, what defines you is you. Nothing else. You want to feel better? Start changing your mentality. I cannot stress that enough.

Google. A bookstore. Tumblr. All these things have many, many resources for self-help and self-love. Start here. Follow more positive blogs. Small step, simple step. If a blog is more negative than pretty photos or positive stuff, unfollow it. Don’t feel bad for doing it. Don’t feel like you owe them something if you’ve talked. You need to take care of yourself, and you can always keep in touch via messaging without having to follow them.

Tumblr’s the starting point. Start removing more negative things from your life. People who guilt you or make you feel lonely. People who reinforce the idea that you are not good enough until you’ve had sex with someone. Screw that. Have sex with yourself. Masturbate in front of a mirror. I’m serious. Get to learn your body; sexually, physically, healthily. Start trying to train yourself to see your body as it is: something meant to love because all it does is love you. It does what it’s supposed to and that’s all it needs to do. It does not need to look a certain way or be a certain way. It just needs to keep you functional. Eat what you like. Eat good things too, just because you know it helps you.

Spend time doing things you enjoy. Do whatever the hell pleases you. Do it because you can. Then do it and pretend it’s a date with yourself. Make your favourite meal, get dressed up, put on good music and light candles and date yourself. You don’t need anyone else to make you happy. That’s your own job. If you want to be happy, start trying to make yourself happy. On your own.

Buy self-help books. Google ways to help social anxiety, build confidence, learn to communicate when it’s difficult. Work solely on yourself. Once you know who you are, how to love yourself and how to define yourself as you, THEN work on finding a partner. Everything else in your world can wait until you are ready to conquer it. 

posted Mar.11.14 + 3 notes + reblog